


be careful it's my heart (I wish I didn't love you so)

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 1940s, Blind Date, Captain America: The First Avenger, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Stucky - Freeform, background stucky, do they have a ship name, ive shipped them from the very beginning, pining bonnie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 21:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6300475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it's not the note I sent you that you quickly burned<br/>it's not the book I lent you that you never returned<br/>it's yours to take<br/>to keep or break<br/>but please, before you start<br/>be careful, it's my heart</p>
            </blockquote>





	be careful it's my heart (I wish I didn't love you so)

"I don't know, he sounds promising to me. I mean Bucky said that he's a real gentleman and he's an artist. An _artist_ , Bonnie."

Blind dates were Bonnie's achilles heel and Connie knew that better than anyone. They'd been best friends since childhood when they'd bonded and giggled on the playground upon realizing their names rhymed. Connie had taken her by the hand then and declared that they'd be "the best of friends forever, you'll see" and from then on they were inseparable. At the age of fifteen (when most girls were beginning to take notice of boys) Connie's mother had shook her head at both of them and told them they'd likely end up old maids, unmarried and without a crumb to their names if they didn't spend some time apart.

They'd disregarded the comment and snubbed any boy who felt the other wasn't up to par. As far as Bonnie was concerned there was no need to find the right partner and settle down - the very idea made her chest feel tight and palms clammy. Still she wasn't delusional enough to think that Connie would ever feel the same, no. Someday she'd meet someone who would promise her forever and they'd have chubby babies with Connie's eyes and stubborn streak. Bonnie would step back and resign herself to the dutiful aunt role & she'd try very hard not to give into the thought that her mother was and always would be right.

But for now Bonnie had been dragged along on enough double dates to know not to get her hopes up. Connie would end up dancing until her feet ached while she kept the poor sap she was stuck with company when she'd rather have a petite brunette wrapped around her fingers and in her arms.

"What if he's a real dud?," Bonnie questioned. Even if he were the best that Brooklyn had to offer she'd still hunger for what she could never have.

"Then we'll leave early," Connie replied with a grin as she popped the cap off of her lipstick (shade #242, blase apricot) and kneeled in order to better reach her best friend.

"Open," she instructed as she slid the waxy lipstick over Bonnie's lips and tracked the movement with her eyes, one hand under Bonnie's chin and the other clutching the tube of lipstick.

If Bonnie didn't know any better (and she did by now) she might've misread the expression in her eyes as _want_.

Wishful thinking.

Connie cleared her throat and abruptly stood, dropping the lipstick in the process.

"You're all set," she replied and quickly applied a layer on her own lips, eyes avoiding Bonnie's.

The thought of the two of them sharing the same cosmetic made Bonnie's mind go to places it really shouldn't - to smeared lipstick and apricot kisses, to unzipping Connie's dress and softly lowering her onto the bed to mark pale skin with blooming purple bruises along the tempting line of her throat like a memo to anyone who might be interested - _mine._

"Bonnie?"

"What?"

She'd missed something, hopefully nothing important.

"You disappeared for a minute there, you know it worries me when you do that," Connie chided; forehead crinkling in concern.

"I was thinking of excuses is all- just in case this one is a flop."

If only Connie knew how good of a liar her best friend was, she wouldn't trust a single word she said.

"You're always so negative, give him a chance. He'll love you."

Bonnie would return that love unopened and gift wrapped, the only person she wanted in this whole godforsaken world was the one she couldn't have.

"Fine but if he's a lousy dancer then I'm calling the engagement off," she joked; anything to make Connie smile. She'd break her own heart just to see those dimples and eyes lighting up like the sun.

Even as children Bonnie would pull a silly face or do a little dance when Connie was upset over her parents arguing or the neighbor kid next door teasing her about her inability to jump rope without tripping over the cord and if all else failed she'd curl an arm around Connie's waist and remind her of their most cherished memories - her favorite being the one where Bonnie had busted a boys nose because he'd pulled Connie's braids.

And Connie, in turn, would hold her close and brush hair out of her eyes - would promise her a future with a shared apartment and hardwood floors for dancing whenever the mood struck even if that meant blasting Frank Sinatra at midnight and making a path across the kitchen floor with bare feet.

And that? That was all Bonnie had ever wanted in this life. Give her a shack and she'd still smile until her face ached because Connie would be at her side. They'd live on canned beans and marked down produce if they had to.

Connie grinned, dimples forming on her cheeks - "I'll break the bad news to him myself and we'll go out for milkshakes after, just you and me."

She had a way of seeing the positive in anything. At times it was maddening, seeing how she lit up for her dates when Bonnie only wanted to keep this tiny slice of heaven to herself. Let the world find refuge in someone else' sunshine. 

"Promise?"

"I swear it. Now zip me up."

If Connie noted Bonnie's hesitation as she drank in naked skin and curves, she didn't question it. And if a hand just happened the trace the notches of her spine she didn't shy away, if anything she arched against the movement. For Bonnie this was the only redeeming factor when it came to date night; the chance to steal touches and blame it on a slow faulty zipper, to cherish the brush of fingertips on her chin when Connie wiped at a wayward smudge of foundation.

"Tell me about this soldier fellow," Bonnie encouraged; anything to draw attention away from thoughts that might as well be flashing bright lights for all to see that said _be careful, it's my heart. I wish to god I didn't love you like I do_.

Connie stepped behind her and gently carded her fingers through blond curls (Bonnie had been blessed with her fathers dirty blonde and her mothers smile) before replacing her touch with a hairbrush.

"His name is James but he said that his buddy calls him Bucky, he's shipping out tomorrow and he's real tore up about having to leave his pal behind so he figured one last date would cheer them both up. I was thinking that you could spin yours around the dance floor a couple of times, you know. Make him smile or something."

Connie continued babbling about Bucky and his closest friend Steve Rogers but the words blended together for Bonnie; all that existed in that moment were long fingers weaving in and out of her hair then gently brushing, a soft voice turning the silence into a low pitched hum.

"There," Connie proclaimed as she stepped back to admire her handiwork. 

Their eyes met in the mirror as she smiled - "You look beautiful. He won't be able to resist you."

For a moment Bonnie allowed herself to get lost in those words, to believe that Connie meant them in a manner outside of the bounds of friendship.

"I'm not too keen on settling down just yet," she reminded Connie.

Sure she'd said that maybe someday she could see herself walking down the aisle with Connie as her maid of honor but she hadn't meant a word of it. If anything she'd only spoken of it to appease her mother.

"That's swell 'cause half of Brooklyn is shipping out this week."

Bonnie knew that she shouldn't feel a surge of hope at that but it happened anyway. Perhaps she'd no longer have to share Connie with nameless jerks and the rare men who could give Prince Charming a run for his money.

"Come on, lets get this over with before I change my mind," Bonnie retorted.

Connie beamed and threw on a sweater - "Give him a chance, okay?"

"Only because you asked nicely."

She would play the role of the devoted best friend who mumbled _thank you_ 's and _sure I'd love to dance_ 's to the date of the week then come home and have a good cry about it in the shower. It was a routine she'd perfected years ago. 

Connie closed the apartment door behind them and slipped her hand into Bonnie's (a habit they'd taken up as children much to the irritation of Bonnie's mother because _'You'll never find a husband if you're behaving in that manner. You're not eight years old anymore, it's not suitable.'_ ) then squeezed gently. It did nothing to soothe the butterflies in Bonnie's stomach every time they touched. 

"Where are we going?," Bonnie asked.

Connie held on tighter as they rounded the last step - "To see the future, are you excited?"

Bonnie smiled weakly but it didn't reach her eyes. A future that included having to share Connie wasn't a future that sounded appealing at all.

"Of course."

*****

The date had been an utter flop. As it turned out Bucky Barnes wasn't all he was cracked up to be, he'd abandoned them just as Howard Stark began to charm the crowd even in the face of a failed prototype. Bucky had ran after his best friend instead. It had taken them ten minutes to locate the two of them and they'd arrived just as Bucky was arguing with Steve; face turned away followed by leaving Steve behind then rushing right back into his arms and holding on tight.

This blind date had been doomed from the get go, it was clear to see where Bucky's loyalty lay and nothing was going to change that so they'd danced for less than an hour after and Bucky had walked them home with a polite peck to Connie's check and an apology.

Part of Bonnie's irritation with the pair was that she recognized she and Connie in their dynamic. Up until they'd departed the blonde had trudged behind and wanted nothing more than for his best friend to follow him, to be alone together and as for Bucky Barnes; well he was a fine actor. He'd nearly convinced Connie that he was okay with leaving his buddy behind but the barely visible damp streaks on his face gave him away and she'd encouraged him to get some rest before he had to ship out. He hadn't put up much of a fight about it.

*****

"Guess I shouldn't have booked that reception hall," Bonnie teased as she stretched out on their couch and let her heels fall to the floor with a quiet _thump._

"It really was sad though. If I'd known how hard this was on them I would've called off the date," Connie replied solemnly, shoulders slumped as if the date had reminded her of the dangers many men were facing while the women were left behind to mourn or take up selling bonds to benefit the soldiers. Bucky might never see his friend again and neither he or Steve seemed to cope well with that fact.

"You couldn't have known."

Connie began to remove her hose and heels, dropping them alongside Bonnie's. "At least Bucky will have someone to come home to."

They were speaking about the two as if they were tragic lovers ripped apart by a war that they had no choice but to endure and in a way, they were. 

"Maybe they can write to one another," added Bonnie.

Her brother had joined the cause only three months prior and his fiance had dutifully written him every week thus far. Mail from the front was spotty at best and the letters usually arrived damaged and stained but his fiance cried every single time because it meant he was still alive. They were worth their weight in gold. 

"If that were us I'd write you as often as I could," Connie murmured.

As a sister might, Bonnie reminded herself.

"That's what friends are for," Bonnie replied with a forced smile. 

"Unzip me?"

As Bonnie tugged on the small zipper the room seemed to shrink in size and, feeling brave and that she deserved _something_ from that awful date, she grazed her fingertips along pale ribs and flattened her palms against the curve of Connie's waist. She didn't miss the hitch in Connie's breathing or how she leaned into the touch.

Connie should be running in the other direction, should be peeling those hands off of delicate skin and putting space between them but instead she stood there in the heavy silence between them and let it happen.

A small voice (the only remaining common sense that Bonnie could latch onto right then) screamed at Bonnie to step back, to stop while she was ahead but she'd been playing it safe since they were children and for once in her life she'd like to stop hiding.

And so she continued to map out milky skin like it held all of the answers, as if it were treasure she'd spent her entire life trying to find.

Rib cage, the small of her back, the slope of her waist, the notches of her spine - this must be what it feels like to touch fire and not care if it burns you in the process.

Connie turns, dress slipping at her shoulders and Bonnie prepares herself for the worst; her charade is over and the curtain has fallen. They can't come back from this and even if they could, would Connie ever forgive her?

"How long?," Connie whispered.

This is the moment that will make or break them and Bonnie is tired of living a lie.

She takes the plunge, dives in with eyes wide open and heart in the palm of her hand.

"I'm not sure. Since always?"

"I wish I'd known. I would've did this sooner," Connie replied, hand coming up to cup Bonnie's cheek.

Blase Apricot on warm lips that were as soft as they looked, trembling hands carefully push the remainder of Connie's dress off of her shoulders and trail wet kisses along the skin there - Bonnie thanks god for both the worst and best blind date shes ever been on.

In the midst of a world war that threatened violence and rations, blood and pain; they'd found one another.

Bonnie could only hope that Bucky and Steve could say the same someday.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from a song by bing crosby "be careful it's my heart" as well as "I wish I didn't love you so" by frank loesser, both fantastic songs
> 
> thanks so much for reading, I've always shipped these two and I feel like they were just as in the dark about their relationship as bucky and steve were; both wanting more but not taking because it was dangerous, illegal and they stood to lose everything they loved if the feelings weren't returned. they're a steve/bucky parallel.


End file.
